altervita

I'm starting to get the hang of it, I now tell myself. I suddenly got lost in oblivion. Of all the things and people that I thought would change, you were the last one on my mind. Some people call it cooling down, post-honeymoon coldness, normalization. I've been struggling with this tremendous and alienating transition. One thing I don't doubt, however, is the fundamental of us. For once, I've forsaken myself to use pragmatism. It's unnatural. But at this vulnerable phase, I have no choice but to do what I'm good at, to numb myself. I eventually feel stronger now. I am way better than you because I am able to compromise myself in order to win you. I don't know where this would ultimately lead me. All I know is that I'd rather be "not sad" and devoid of futile paranoia, than be "extremely happy" but filled with great expectations.

altervita

I never had something this real. I never felt this sure about someone. I never doubted the fact that you are that someone who'd make me step out of my comfort zone. You are my match, the sweetest challenge I have ever encountered. In your own wondrous ways, you never failed to make me feel loved. The onset of our story is simply priceless.

However, we were also aware that this wouldn't always be as smooth. Every relationship undergoes a tumultuous transition. We've been through some. I recall how stubborn we were for not adhering to the custom of things. That's when I realized, rather was reminded, that what we have is not conventional. We are soulmates, the rarest of fate. What we have, what we are, what we feel, we chose to escalate but effortlessly keep.

I remember that passage from a book that you lent me, stressing that we don't get what we deserve but what we need. The means for us to show and express how we feel about each other is very limited. I am grateful for every modest miracle that brings us together.

altervita

If there is one word to describe the current situation, MY situation, it would be dilemma. But if you'd look at it from a different perspective, the rational perspective, you'd find it stupid, pointless, and unacceptable. I'm writing this not to defend my point. I'm merely trying to express how I feel right now; how I feel bad that it happened, the nostalgia it caused me, how sorry I am for the both of us. It would be insane for me to insist myself or to allow my childish longing to overcome me.

It was a mistake in the first place. We chose to do the things we did simply because we thought that it's only a one-off thing. It never occurred to us that it would complicate things further. More so, I never thought that I couldn't forget you just like that. But now that everything starts to become clear, I have no choice but to move forward, and just let the gaultier scent that you left on my pillow vanish.

altervita

I'm Garry, 23, yuppie. I just want you to know how so fucked up I am right now. Let me be specific -- how so fucked up I have been. I've finished my college degree by becoming a working student, both full time. I would have not needed to work if only my mom did not spend waste my tuition fee to put up her doomed business ventures without my dad knowing. I've been living independently alone but still sending half of my net salary to them simply because they're sinking in a mire of debt from which I partook not even a single penny. My relatively higher-than-average pay is useless for I can barely make it through the day without borrowing from some of my greatest friends. I have no savings. I pity myself right now for not being happy, for not choosing to be happy. How I want this year to be over so that I could totally move on and start all over again. I hate you right now. I really do. If only I could end you,  but that would take the rational being in me.

If there is such a thing as SHIT HAPPENS, this is it. Shit just doesn't happen that simple. It comes in a bunch of unfortunate stuff. I thought I was emotionally strong. I hate that I now tend to question my psychological endurance. This is nadir. This is close to the most dreadful part I thought you could give -- doubting my sanity. Things that I never bothered with are the ones of great magnitude now. My waterloo is all over me. I lost myself. I lost everything I've been holding onto. I feel like I'm starting from scratch. I feel that I am worse than impaired, way way worse than handicapped, challenged, and what have you. I feel so restless. I feel so weak. I feel so numb to the best things you could offer.